


The Adventures of Harold the Elephant

by mnwood



Series: Seeking Friendship 'Verse [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic, Asexual Awareness Week, Asexual Castiel, Asexual Relationship, Fluff, M/M, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-22 16:09:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2513903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnwood/pseuds/mnwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just because Cas is aromantic doesn't mean he and Dean can't do cheesy couple-y stuff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean and Cas have been dating long enough to be comfortable together—and by comfortable, Dean means _lazy._

Sure, romance really never had that much of a chance with Cas being aromantic and all, but that doesn’t mean that intimacy is dead, too. Just because they’ve been living together not having sex for two years doesn’t mean they should act more like roommates than boyfriends.

Dean’s been trying to think of things he could do to keep their relationship alive and unpredictable—OK, well maybe unpredictable is too much of a reach when they literally go through the same routine every day of their lives and are actually pretty happy with it. (Whoever wakes up first makes coffee, kiss on the way out the door, Dean makes dinner four days a week, Cas moans around his food like it’s the first time he’s had Dean’s cooking, sit on computers, fall asleep together in front of the TV, curl up in bed giggling at each other like idiots, date night every Saturday.) But so far, Dean’s got nothing. He’s already _doing_ all the ways to Cas’ heart he knows of—food, cuddling, kissing him in public, whispering cheesy things in his ear—but it’s all just gotten _complacent._ Lazy.

He doesn’t bring it up with Cas, though. He doesn’t want to make a problem out of something that Cas might not have even noticed yet. Again, _Dean’s_ the hopeless romantic here, so of course he’s going to get antsy for a change of pace before Cas does.

Cas must know _something_ is up, though, because while Dean’s tucked under his arm on the couch one night drinking beer and watching _The Walking Dead_ , Cas looks down at him and asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing. What? Do I seem like something’s wrong?”

Cas pulls Dean closer against his side and rubs his hip. “You look like you’re thinking too hard. You’re not thinking about that asshat at the bar the other night who asked us how often we have sex, are you? Because that guy can—”

“No, Cas. I’m not—I’m fine. Promise.” Dean sits up a little so he can kiss Cas’ jaw. “Watch the show.”

Two days later, Dean gets to work and thinks he’s accidentally grabbed the wrong briefcase when he opens it. There’s a small stuffed elephant sitting there, and that’s certainly not Dean’s. He picks it up and finds a note stapled to its tail. It’s Cas’ handwriting.

_Dean, meet Harold the elephant. He’s a lot like you and me. He eats too much, and he gets nervous when other elephants like him. Harold also loves games, so I thought it might be fun if we made a game out of taking care of him. We can pass him back and forth and try to be sneaky about how we place him in one another’s possession. We can come up with a penalty system, too. –Cas_

Dean laughs to himself and sets Harold up on his desk. Cas and his fucking sappy ideas.

Dean pulls out his phone and texts Cas. _Harold better behave so I can get some work done today._

His phone buzzes 20 minutes later.

_He’s a very mild-mannered elephant. I wouldn’t worry too much about him._

_He’s pretty damn cute, I gotta say.  
_

_Hey, I’m supposed to be the only cute thing in your life._

_Cas, did you just get jealous of a stuffed elephant. Really._

_Aren’t you supposed to be working?_

_Aren’t YOU supposed to be working?_

Dean tucks his phone into his pocket and laughs again. God, he loves his stupid boyfriend so damn much.

At the end of the day, Dean packs up all of his stuff and almost forgets Harold sitting there. He quickly stuffs him in the breast pocket of his suit jacket and only has to explain him to one person on his way out.

There’s sickly cute pride in his chest when he hands the note to Garth and says, “My boyfriend’s so ridiculous.”

“Well that’s just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, Dean. To be honest, I didn’t even know you and Cas were dating. I thought you were just roommates.”

Dean huffs a laugh and takes the note back. “We’re so comfortable together now, it feels like that sometimes.”

“Aww, well it’s sweet you guys are trying something new.”

“Thanks, Garth. I’ll see you tomorrow, all right?”

“Sure thing, buddy.”

When Dean pulls into their apartment complex, he stuffs Harold farther into his pocket so Cas doesn’t see him when he walks in. If Cas knows where Harold is, then Dean will never be able to surprise Cas with him.

Of course, Dean forgets about Harold the second he walks in the door because Cas is there pulling at his tie and greeting him with a lengthier kiss than usual.

“I missed you today,” Cas says in between kisses.

“Long day at work?” Another kiss.

“Yeah.” Kiss. “I fucked up a source and got my ass handed to me.”

“I’m sorry, babe.” Kiss. “How ‘bout I pull the roast out and you can complain all about your boss?”

“That sounds perfect. The smell’s been killing me for the past half hour, I swear.”

Dean kisses Cas one more time before letting go of him and moving over to the kitchen. He sets his suit jacket on the counter and then remembers Harold. He makes sure Cas isn’t looking at him when he reaches into his suit pocket and—

Harold’s not there. Motherfucker. Cas fucking pickpocketed him. _Kidnapped_ him.

“You’re really easy to distract,” Cas says smugly from where he’s standing at the counter waving Harold in his hand.

“Yeah, well, you’re an asshole.”

“So I was thinking a point system. You get a point if you steal Harold, and you lose a point if you don’t give him away in a secretive manner. Gain a point if you guess where he is?”

“Lose a point if you leave him out in the open alone.”

“Gain a point if you take pictures of him in public places without the other’s knowledge.”

“What happens with the points? Do they matter or is this like _Whose Line Is It Anyway?”_

“We could have a prize at the end of the month?”

“Deal. So you have a point. Good job, asshole.”

Cas flaunts Harold in front of Dean for the rest of the night, up until Dean can’t take it anymore and tackles Cas to the floor and wrestles him for it—him.

But Cas ends up pinning Dean and making him promise he won’t attack him again.

Dean doesn’t see Harold for the next three days, and he gets obsessed with rummaging through all of his and Cas’ crap to try to find him. He’s coming back from the break room at work one morning when he sees Harold sitting on his keyboard staring up at him.

How the fuck.

He texts Cas, _You sneaky bastard._

_So that’s another point for me._

Dean rolls his eyes and puts his phone away. He swears Harold stares at him judgmentally for the rest of the day.

On his way home he hides Harold in the broken air vent on the passenger side that Cas doesn’t know about. He’s not moving him until he thinks of a way to give him back.

“You got Garth involved, didn’t you?” Dean asks as soon as he opens the door.

Cas doesn’t look up from his computer. “Who’s Garth?”

Dean rolls his eyes and throws his briefcase on the counter. _Fine_. Two can play at this game.

He keeps Harold in his car for four days straight. He starts acting like he’s hiding something from Cas on day two, and he catches Cas going through his side of the closet on day three. He wakes up at 2 a.m. on day four and finds himself in a Cas-less bed. When he realizes he’s not in the apartment, he looks outside and sees Cas rummaging around furiously in the Impala. He’s tossing papers everywhere and going through every compartment he can find, and finally he slams his hand on the steering wheel and gives up.

He spots Dean standing out on the porch in his pajamas, holding Harold and making one of his tiny legs wave condescendingly down at the parking lot. Dean runs inside and hides him before Cas gets upstairs, and Cas looks so pissed off that Dean panics for a moment thinking he’s going to sleep on the couch tonight. But then Cas just tiredly grabs Dean by the wrist and drags him back to bed.

Dean makes sure to get to the kitchen after Cas the next morning, and he’s not disappointed when he walks in on Cas opening the lid of the coffee maker and then immediately slamming it shut and turning to Dean.

“I hate you,” he says sternly before turning back and pulling Harold out of where he was sitting in a clean coffee filter.

“Ha ha, point for me,” Dean teases as he comes up behind Cas and kisses him sloppily on the temple.

Cas pulls his head away and grumbles some more. “I’m going to torture you now.”

But Cas is so tired from searching for Harold for two days that he’s sound asleep on the couch when Dean gets home that night, and Harold is just cradled right there in the crook of his arm as if he and Cas were watching TV together.

Cas doesn’t even stir when Dean steals him, and when he wakes up for dinner half an hour later he momentarily panics then rolls his eyes and mumbles to himself about how stupid he is.

When Dean sets Cas’ plate down in front of him, he rubs his shoulders and leans down right next to Cas’ ear to say, “I had no idea you were so competitive. Don’t forget we’re doing this for fun, babe.”

Cas smiles then and nods his head.

“It’s 2 to 1 now, though, so…you know, step up your game a little,” Dean says facetiously as he takes his seat.

Cas flicks peas at his face in response.

The game continues for the next three weeks.

They have their moments of extreme competitiveness, and there was one time they got in a fight over the point system, accused each other of cheating, and Cas actually slept on the couch that night.

But for the most part it’s been really fun. They have crappy iPhone pictures of them and Harold hanging up on the fridge—one of Cas holding Harold right in front of Dean’s butt, another of Harold sitting in a cup holder at the movie theaters with Cas’ head blurry from turning (Dean lost a point because Cas caught him in the act). Most of the pictures are just blurry selfies of them and Harold with the other person in the background not paying attention. There are a couple with strangers in the background giving them confused looks—those are Dean’s favorites.

Well, except Dean’s _real_ favorite is the one of him and Cas kissing on the lips and holding Harold between them. Somehow they lost him at one point (they each blame the other for his sudden disappearance) and tore the place apart until they found him sitting on the Impala’s dash. They were so happy when they found him that they decided the moment needed to be photographed.

One morning Dean woke up with Harold right on his face, and he still has no idea how Cas managed that without waking Dean up at all.

At dinner one Saturday, Dean made sure Harold was on the edge of Cas’ plate when their food came out. He had to do some negotiating with the wait staff for that one.

Cas delivered Harold to their apartment as a package once.

Dean found Harold hiding in the pocket of one of Cas’ shirts in their closet one morning.

Dean got home from work one day, and Cas sprinted up to his car and stole Harold right off him and sprinted away. Dean just shrugged and went up to their apartment. Cas showed up 10 minutes later, sweaty and out of breath, and said, “The idea was that you were supposed to chase me.”

They went on a picnic one weekend and managed to trade Harold back and forth six times in the span of four hours.

It’s very serious business at the end of the month when they get home from work and sit down to tally up their points.

“And with your last steal yesterday, it looks like you’ve come in with 23 points, and I have—let me see—yep, I have 19 and a half.” Cas looks up from his paper and smiles wide. “Congratulations, Dean.”

Dean gives a goofy grin back and asks, “What’s my prize?”

Cas pulls Harold out of his pocket and sets him on the counter. “I’m not sure, let’s ask Harold. Harold, what’s Dean’s prize?”

Cas stares so intently at the elephant that Dean nearly bursts out laughing. Then Cas picks him up and puts his face next to his ear and says, “What’s that, Harold? Did you say—you’ve got something for Dean?” He looks confused as he holds Harold out for Dean to take. “He said to unzip his back.”

“Unzip his…? That zipper’s been broken since day one, Cas. You know that.”

Cas just shrugs, so Dean takes the elephant and turns it around in his hands. Sure enough, the zipper looks like it’s been unstuck. He pulls it down carefully and says, “Sorry, Harold,” as he digs a finger into the pouch and hits—

A ring.

“Dean Winchester, will you marry me?”


	2. The In-Laws

_“You’re only 23 years old! How could you possibly think you’re mature enough to get married? And where are you going to do it legally, huh? Out in fucking California?”_

_“Well, gee, Dad, that_ is _where I live. Seems like the logical fucking place to do it, doesn’t it? You don’t have to come, you know. It’s not like I’m inviting you anyway.”_

Cas sighs and drops his head into his hands. He feels a strong hand on his back a second later.

“It’s OK, Cas, we expected this, right?”

He lifts his head and sees Sam’s chest, so he lifts his head some more in order to see his pitying smile. He’s grown a lot since Cas saw him six months ago. “Yes, Sam, we did. I just wish I was in there with him.”

“No, you really don’t. Dad’s not exactly capable of reason when it’s two against one. But seriously, don’t worry, there’s not much he can do to stop you guys anyway. Especially since Mom’s already trying to book a venue.”

“ _Are_ we too young?”

“I’m 19, buddy. I have no idea what’s too young. I mean, you act like you’re about 35, so I think you’ll be all right. I don’t know about Dean shacking up with the first guy he’s been with, though.” Sam sits across from Cas and takes a drink of his water.

Cas huffs a laugh. “It’s not like I’m the first person he’s been with. Or even the first _guy.”_

“I mean in a relationship. I guess it’s actually pretty smart for him to marry the first person he’s been with and not done anything sexual with.”

Cas nods and thinks that’s a good point.

“You guys—you know, you still haven’t…?”

Cas really laughs now and leans back in his chair. “No, Sam, we haven’t.”

“And you’re not even a _little_ bit curious?”

“Honestly? I don’t even think about it.” Cas pauses for a second and then says, “Actually, a couple weeks ago we were kissing, and then we started making out like with tongue and everything—which we never do because I don’t really like it that much—and we actually got as far as taking our shirts off, but then Dean decided it was a good time to point out that I’ve gained weight recently and that I probably weigh more than him right now, and that kind of killed the mood.”

“That was…more information than I needed,” Sam answers uncomfortably.

“Oh. Sorry. We didn’t really have any intention of doing anything anyway. We just like touching each—"

“Wow I am so glad you guys don’t have sex.”

“And I’m glad I didn’t hear the beginning of this conversation,” Mary says as she enters the kitchen. She pats Cas on the back almost exactly the way Sam did and greets, “You doing all right, sweetie?”

“Yes, Mrs. Winchester. Just discussing mine and Dean’s nonexistent sex life with Sam.”

 _“You don’t even do anything with him! He’s your fucking roommate, Dean, and you’re going to_ marry _him?”_

“Well that was weirdly on cue,” Mary comments in response to the yelling. “I’m sorry you can hear them everywhere in the house. This is not how I wanted your stay here to be, Castiel.”

“It’s OK. Dean and I talked about it on the drive here, so I was prepared for it.”

Mary starts pulling food out of the fridge to start cooking dinner. “How have you been otherwise? Looks like my boy’s been feeding you well.”

“Did you just call Cas fat, Mom?”

“Of course not. You look great, Cas.”

Cas can’t hold back his laugh. “Yes, Dean takes really good care of me. Too good. I’m spoiled,” he says with a poke to his stomach.

He knew getting home-cooked meals every day would catch up to him eventually, and he’s not sorry to have put on 15 or so pounds in the past year. He just hopes Dean’s eating habits catch up with him soon, too, so they can both be pudgy, sexless idiots together.

“I hope I can live up to Dean’s cooking standards while you’re here then,” Mary responds with a smile.

“Please. Dean learned from the best.”

“You guys are being weird. Please stop,” Sam complains.

“Does it seem a little too quiet to you guys?” Mary asks, changing the subject.

They all turn toward the closed door to the garage and listen for a minute. Suddenly Dean bursts into the kitchen and slams the door behind him.

“What?” he asks angrily at all of them.

“Where’s Dad?” Sam responds.

“He left. Probably not coming back. Cas, can I speak to you privately?”

Dean doesn’t even wait for Cas’ response before he’s dragging him upstairs by the wrist.

He pulls him into his room, shuts the door and then hugs him tight, his head buried in Cas’ neck.

“It’s all right, Dean,” Cas soothes, rubbing a hand up and down his back.

“I’m sorry my family’s so fucked up. You sure you want to marry into this?”

“Your family’s not fucked up, Dean. Well, your father might be, but nobody else is.”

Dean breathes a laugh into Cas’ shoulder. “I love you.”

“I know you do.” He squeezes tighter. “I love you as well.”

Dean’s quiet for a second, and then he says, “Your body feels so soft against mine now.”

“ _God,_ what _is_ it with you people? Did no one teach you not to mention it when someone puts on weight?”

Dean pulls back with a grin and gives Cas a kiss. “Just make sure you fit in your tux, all right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I needed to put some weight on Cas after all the things I had him eating in Seeking Friendship. ~whatever~


	3. Stephanie the Turtle

Dean can’t get his palms to stop sweating. He keeps rubbing them on his pants thinking that’s going to help, but all it ends up doing is wrinkling his pants.

He goes to the bathroom for the tenth time today.

He vomits for the third time today.

He changes his tie for the sixth time.

Sam finds him hiding in the toddler daycare room on the first floor of the church, sitting in one of the tiny children’s chairs and hugging his knees to his chest.

Dean doesn’t even notice that Sam’s in the room until he asks, “Dean?”

Dean jumps and falls sideways out of the chair. “What?” he asks nervously as he scrambles to his feet.  
  
“Are you OK?”

“What? Yeah. Yeah, of course I’m OK. Why wouldn’t I be OK? What are you trying to say, Sammy?” 

“Whoa, Dean, calm down. Do you know what today is?”

Dean rolls his eyes, but Sam just steps closer.

“Seriously, Dean. I need you to say it.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re freaking out and this will help.” 

Dean sighs and plants his hands on his hips. “I’m—I’m getting married today.”

“And who are you marrying again?”

Another sigh. “I’m marrying Castiel Novak, age 25, 5-foot-10, 187 pounds, blue eyes—”

“All right, that’s good enough.” Sam places a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Why are you freaking out, man?”

“I’m not—OK, fine. I don’t know. I wasn’t nervous at all yesterday, and then…I don’t know.” 

“You haven’t seen Cas today?”

“No. I’m not supposed to, right?” Dean waves his hand dismissively. “All that crap about traditions and whatever.”

“But you slept together last night, right? I mean—you know what I mean.”

“Yeah? We sleep together every night. What are you getting at here, Sammy?”

“Nothing. Get back upstairs where you’re supposed to be. We have pictures in half an hour, and your hair is...yeah.”

Sam leaves the room then, and Dean has no choice but to do what he said. God, why did he ever think this was a good idea.

Sure, he loves Cas. He loves him a whole damn lot. If Cas ever left him, he’d be willing to go to the moon and back to get him to come home. Hell, he’d probably be capable of killing a guy for Cas. Or at the very least he’d definitely die for Cas. Cas is in the same category of importance as his mom, his brother—the short list of people Dean would absolutely go to the ends of the earth for, no questions asked.

All of that to say, though, Dean hasn’t felt this terrified in, well, never. This is _it._ Cas is _it_ for him. And getting married…that means Dean can’t just run. Not very easily at least. He’s _committing_ to Cas—for _life._ The thought of being with someone forever, never being alone again, trying to get along with the same person for the rest of his life—oh god, he can’t even think about it.

So instead, he starts thinking about last night. Why Sam brought it up, he has no idea, but he’s glad he did. Last night, Dean was all cool and collected while _Cas_ was the nervous one for once. He had been in the bathroom for a solid 20 minutes before Dean assumed something was wrong and went and knocked.

Cas told him to come in, and Dean found him leaning over the bathtub preparing to puke. He tried not to laugh thinking about how many times he saw Cas like this in college, but it’s been a while.

Dean just sat cross-legged on the floor next to him and didn’t say much for a while.

“Don’t let this…momentary character flaw deter you from—marrying me,” Cas had said.

“You nervous?”

“It would seem so.”

“Why?”

“We’re not too young, are we? We’re ready for this? You’re sure you love me enough? That’s not going to—you sure you can put up with this for the rest of your—” 

“Whoa, baby, slow down. There’s nobody I could be marrying tomorrow other than you. There’s nobody I even _like_ enough. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

Cas dropped his cheek to the porcelain and looked up at Dean with sad eyes. “You sure?”

Dean kissed his forehead with as much confidence and assurance as he could manage. “Never been more sure about anything in my life. C’mon, we need to get some sleep.”

Cas had allowed Dean to lead him out of the bathroom and back into bed, and it was one of the rare occasions where Dean was the big spoon all night. By the time Dean woke up, though, Cas was already gone.

There was a note on the nightstand that just said, _See you at the altar. Love you.  
_

Dean’s back upstairs by the time he’s done replaying this memory. He’s feeling a little calmer, but he’s still shaking. He goes to the bathroom again, but something distracts him when he gets to the sink. 

Harold. And—the bear Cas gave him on Valentine’s Day a couple years ago. They’re both sitting there right on the sink, holding a note between them.

_Cas told us you were feeling nervous, so we came here to make you feel better._

Dean rolls his eyes and stuffs Harold in his breast pocket, muttering, “This is _your_ fault to begin with, asshole.” He’s picking up the bear when a hand covers his. Instead of jumping, he relaxes. He knows that hand. 

“Fuck traditions, right?” Cas asks as he wraps Dean in a strong embrace.

All the nervousness washes right out of Dean. “Oh, thank God.” After a minute or so, he asks, “Sam send you?”

“What? No, I haven’t seen Sam. I was just…I was feeling nervous and realized I needed to see you. Also, I have someone for you.”

Cas reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a small stuffed turtle. “This is Harold’s friend Stephanie. She’s here for moral support.”

Dean laughs and takes the turtle. “Are you kidding me, Cas? _Stephanie?_ Not really the first name I'd pick for a fucking turtle.” 

“Hey, whoa, don’t say that in front of her. It’s not like she can help it.”

“Oh, oops, I’m sorry, Stephanie,” Dean says facetiously before stuffing Stephanie right next to Harold. “What’s up with you and stuffed animals?”

“They’re cute and prevent me from buying a pet. We should probably go get our pictures taken. Get this whole thing over with, yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“We can be nervous together, right?”

“Right.”

“And if one of us passes out or vomits, the other will follow suit, yes?”

“Yes.”

“And when it’s all over, we can just get raging drunk and not have sex, right?”

“Right.”

Cas smiles softly and kisses Dean. Dean tries to reach for more, but Cas pulls away and takes his hand to lead him out of the bathroom.

The rest of the day passes in a blur. Dean has to keep his eyes and his attention fully on Cas for the whole thing or else he knows he’ll end up curled in the fetal position in the bathroom. (When they get the pictures a week later, Dean’s looking at Cas with all the adoration in the world in literally every single picture. Cas makes fun of him for it for a month.)

The ceremony is small and quiet, and the only mishaps are when Charlie trips a little walking down the aisle and when Sam drops Cas’ ring before handing it to Dean. Nobody even asks why Cas and Dean have a mix of both bridesmaids and groomsmen. Dean’s dad actually shows up and congratulates them afterward, and it’s not as awkward as it could’ve been. His mom cries more than he’s ever seen.

Anna and Jo give a joint toast at the reception, and Dean’s not drunk enough yet to let slide what they say.

“And so we realized—”

“That both of our dumb friends are asexual—” 

“And it just seemed too good to be true once we started talking about it.”

“I mean, we literally made a list of why these two are perfect for each other, and the no sex thing was just the icing on the cake.”

“It was weeks—” 

“No, _months._ It was months of dealing with these two idiots pining over each other but sucking at communication.”

“I actually started losing my hair at one point I was so stressed out.”

Dean listens, completely slack-jawed, and when they’re done speaking he looks over at Cas and sees he’s wearing the same dumbfounded expression. Anna and Jo set them up? And never told them? _Seriously?_

By the end of the night, Cas has convinced everyone to dance like morons with him. Dean’s pretty smashed, so he’s trying to hide at the bar and not get roped into doing the Cha Cha Slide. Cas of course finds him eventually, but luckily it’s for a slow song.

They sway back and forth and grip each other’s hips more for balance than anything. “We’re married,” Dean says stupidly.

“You’re my husband.”

They giggle for a couple seconds, and then Dean says, “Does that mean we have to have sex on our honeymoon?”

“Yeah. That’s the rule. We have to consummate the marriage by touching our dicks together.”

“Cas, do you even know what sex is?”

“To be frank, I’m not entirely sure as to the specifics. I’m aware that there are genitals and lubricant involved, but beyond that…”

“God, I love you so much, you fucking moron.”

Cas hums and leans his head into Dean’s chest. “Mmm, same.”

Sam comes up to them a couple songs later while they’re in the _middle_ of a robot dance-off and says, “Hey, guys, uh, I know you’re not in any hurry to get out of here and go have sex, but people are starting to leave.”

Dean grumbles about Sam interrupting their dance battle, but then he and Cas leave the dance floor to go drunkenly say goodbye to people. Once all family members are gone and only drunk friends remain, they decide to spend the rest of the night bar hopping.

Dean blacks out after Cas creates a conga line _on_ the bar at the third place they go to.

He wakes up still in his tux, lying face down on top of Cas’ back in the backseat of the Impala, which is parked at a Jiffy Lube in who-the-fuck-knows, California. Stephanie, Harold and the bear are all strewn on the floor.

“Cas. _Cas._ Babe. Cas. Castiel. Buddy. I swear to God, dude, if you’re dead—”

“He’s not dead, would you please _shut up,”_ Sam says groggily from the passenger seat.

“Sammy? What the fuck are _you_ doing here?” 

“Fuck if I know. Where are we?”

Cas stirs and grumbles, “Jiffy Lube. Get it? _Lube._ Ha ha.”

“He’s still drunk, isn’t he?” Sam asks.

“Probably.” Dean sits up slowly so he’s sitting on Cas’ back.

“Hope everybody got home safe.”

“Yeah, since we so clearly achieved that,” Dean answers bitterly.

“Dean!”

“Cas, please. Not so loud. What is it, buddy?”

“Married." 

“Yes, we’re married.”

“Good.”

Sam laughs and shakes his head. “Where did you even _find_ him, man?”

Dean smiles down at Cas, who has picked Harold up off the floor and is playing with his ears. “Apparently it’s Anna and Jo’s fault.”

He needs to make a note to send Anna and Jo extra lengthy thank-you cards.

Cas is definitely it for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas not knowing anything about sex isn't a jab at asexual people. I was actually just taking that from the episode where Cas has sex with April and then is like "did I do that right?"
> 
> I'm [deancasheadcanons](http://deancasheadcanons.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.
> 
> [Rebloggable links](http://deancasheadcanons.tumblr.com/tagged/harold)


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